Co-Dependency Survey - Co-Create Your Success - Energize, Elevate, and Evolve Your Life

I don’t feel happy, content or peaceful with myself*

I look to the outside for my love, acceptance, approval and validation*

I latch onto who ever and what ever I feel will make me happy*

I feel really threatened by the loss of someone or something I feel provides me with my happiness*

I did not feel the love and approval from my parents*

I don’t love myself or feel that I am loveable*

I believe that other people can’t or won’t love and accept me*

I desperately seek love and approval from others especially those with like parent roles or who are authority figures i.e. teacher, boss, mentor*

I often seek love from people incapable of loving/emotionally available*

I believe others are never there for me*

I am wired with the equation that Love = Pain*

I feel I need people more than they want me*

I try to prove that I am good enough to be loved*

I don’t take the time to see if other people are good for me*

I don’t figure out if I love, or even like, the other person*

I worry about whether other people love, like or accept me*

I center my life around other people instead of myself*

I look to relationships to provide all my good feelings and happiness*

I lose interest in my own life when I love; I get easily distracted*

I worry if other people will leave me*

I stay in relationships that don’t work*

I tolerate abuse (emotional, physical, sexual…) to keep someone loving me*

I feel trapped in relationships*

I leave bad relationships, enter into new ones that don’t work either*

I wonder if I will ever find love*

I don’t believe that I can take care of myself*

I am incapable of being alone and feel lonely*

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Dependency Score

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Dependency Score Low Range

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Dependency Score Low Range EXP

If You Have Scored 0-40 (Low-Range):

Congratulations! You do not have to look to the outside for your sense of I’m okay, I’m lovable, I feel good about my Self and what I do. You love, accept, honor and respect your Self no matter what. You do not need validation, acceptance or approval from others to feel good or to believe you are a valuable contribution to this planet, just by being you. You feel happy, content and peaceful with and within your Self.

You do not need to latch onto anyone or anything so you can be happy. You don’t feel threatened by the loss of something or someone that has provided happiness or love. You don’t need their acceptance or love to feel safe, secure and valued. You believe things happen for a reason and people come into your life for a moment, a season or a lifetime.

You understand it is a natural progression for some things or some relationships to change or come to an end. You don’t need to create drama or separation due to the transition. The relationship can be transitioned to a different type of relationship, i.e. from significant other to only being a friend or, to being totally ended, in a loving, kind and compassionate manner through open and honest communication. You are willing and able to complete relationships in this manner and communicate with any party involved.

You do not attract people who are incapable of love or emotionally unavailable. You attract people who are there for you, love you, support you as well as they do the same for themselves. You don’t need them in order to feel loved or lovable but you do desire to share your life with them. You are wired to love = connection, joy, vibrancy, expansion, etc. versus love = pain, hurt, disappointment, sadness, etc.

There is no need to prove that you are good enough to be loved by others. You believe you are enough, even if you have made a mistake, done something to upset them or feel like a failure – you are always enough because you are you! You are clear when someone is not good for you and you take the time to sort it out. You figure out if you love, or even like, the other person. You make a conscious choice based on what’s true for you and what you desire for your life and relationships.

You do not feel like you need them more than they want you. You know they want to be with you. There is no desperate neediness to have a person in your life so you can feel love, accepted or supported. You have all of that within your Self and know you can count on you and love you. You don’t worry about if others love, like or accept you. You are dedicated to falling in love with your Self more and more, and willing to completely love all parts of you … the good, the bad and the ugly.

You are all of the ingredients in the cake so you’re the cake! You are whole unto your Self. You look to your relationship with your Self rather than with others to provide you all of your good feelings, love, happiness, fulfillment, contentment. You understand others are a bonus – they are just the icing or the sprinkles on top of your cake! They don’t make up who you are, you make you.

You center your life around you, not around others. You know this is not about being selfish, but it is about being self-centered through self-care so you can create the life you desire. In doing so, you recognize you have more to give to others when you take care of your Self first. You are focused on you and your life and do not get distracted by others or their drama. You are excited and interested in your life, where it is and the direction it is heading.

You do not stay in relationships that don’t work or serve you. You have clarity on what works for you and what doesn’t, as well as, what you like and don’t like. In a relationship, you are also open to discovering, and further define and refine these as you go along. And you are willing to share your discoveries and be transparent about your thoughts and feelings within your relationships. You stay true to your Self and you do not lose your Self in a relationship.

You do not worry about whether someone will leave you if you are you, or when you are honest with your thoughts and feelings. You are not willing to sacrifice you, your needs or your wants at any cost for the sake of having or saving a relationship.

You never feel trapped in a relationship. You know you are empowered to make choices and have the relationships you truly desire. You will not tolerate abuse of any sort including verbal and emotional abuse. If a relationship is bad or turns sour, you have the ability to complete it and move on. You do not usually jump from one bad relationship to another.

You will, and in fact, eagerly do so, analyze the past relationship to find out what needs to be resolved and healed within you so you do not repeat the pattern or attract a similar person and situation. You understand this may be a process and you will refine it as you experience each new relationship. You appreciate that each relationship can have lessons, gifts and possibly healing to help you co-create even more brilliant relationships.

This is about all types of relationships, not just with a significant other. ‘Any relationship is every relationship’ so this applies to family, friendships, co-workers, business partners, even your relationship to money, success, etc.

Even if you did not feel the love or approval from your parents or peers, you do not feel like a victim or blame them for your past. You do not need to desperately seek love and approval from others especially those in parent roles, or who are authority figures, i.e. teacher, boss, coach, mentor. You have not taken on you are not lovable and you love your Self despite other’s opinions or behaviors.

Your worthiness and value are not wired to whether others will love and accept you. You have found it within your Self. You believe, of course, others will love you because you’re you in all your brilliance! And if they don’t, you know it’s their loss or it wasn’t in your Highest Order or Potential. You can say this and truly believe it versus just giving lip service to it.

You understand there is a greater Plan for you and you are willing to be guided within it. Thus, you do not become co-dependent with others or attached to relationships or their outcomes. You allow them to unfold with the intentions you have in what types of relationships you would want in your life.

You don’t worry about whether you will ever find love – you believe and know in your heart of hearts, the Universe is infinite and full of lots of possibilities! You believe you can take care of your Self and love your Self even if someone is not in your life. You have no trouble being alone and do not feel lonely. You enjoy your time with you and in fact look forward to it. You are your own best friend, lover and guide. Plus you feel connected to a Higher Power and the Universe so you know you are never alone!

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Dependency Score Mid Range

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Dependency Score Mid Range EXP

If You Have Scored 41-90 (Mid-Range):

You probably look for love in all the wrong places just like the song says. You tend to look to the outside for your sense of I’m okay, I’m lovable, I feel good about my Self and what  I do. You let the outside affect if you love, accept, honor and respect your Self. You typically need (whether you realize it or not) validation, acceptance or approval from others to feel good or to believe you are a valuable contribution to this planet, just by being you. You struggle with being happy, content and peaceful with and within your Self.

Many times you have a need to latch onto anyone or anything so you can be happy. You can feel threatened by the loss of something or someone that has provided you happiness or love. You find you need their acceptance or love to feel safe, secure and valued. You don’t quite believe things happen for a reason and people come into your life for a moment, a season or a lifetime.

You can’t comprehend it is a natural progression for some things or some relationships to change or come to an end. You think there is usually something wrong with you or them if it does not ‘work out’. You have to create drama or separation for you to gather reasons and validations of why a transition needs to occur.

You don’t understand the relationship can be transitioned to a different type of relationship i.e. from significant other to only being a friend or, to being totally ended, in a loving, kind and compassionate manner through open and honest communication. You do not have the skills to communicate honestly without blame, shame or guilt and are too afraid to communicate what’s true for you.

You feel better, often times, by justifying your feelings or arguing for your position by pointing fingers or tearing down the other person. You say you are complete or done with ‘that’ person, but you never had a conversation with the other person so they know what is occurring or how you are feeling. You usually are angry and resentful toward the person.

Understand you are not complete, even if you claim you are. Completion can only occur when you let the other person know what is going on for you and why. What they do with it is up to them but you cannot be complete when the other person is wondering what has happened and most likely you are angry, upset, judging and/or tearing the other person down. There is a lack of love, understanding, acceptance and forgiveness for the other person. This is not completion when these pieces do not occur within you.

There is an opportunity for each to learn and grow when communication occurs. By not confronting the issue or person, there is a level of immaturity, an element of cowardice and a lack of integrity due to your unwillingness or lack of commitment to address it with the other person. It also becomes karmic because what goes around, comes around – this is Universal Law. You will continue to create the same type of relationships until you are ready to face the other person and express your Self in a truthful and kind manner.

You inevitably attract people who are incapable of love or emotionally unavailable. You usually don’t attract people who are there for you, love and support you, nor do they know how to do the same for themselves. You need them in order to feel loved or lovable. It is not about a desire to share your life with them, but a need. You are wired to love = pain, hurt, disappointment, sadness, etc. versus love = connection, joy, vibrancy, expansion, etc.

You have a need to prove that you are good enough to be loved by others. You may say you are enough, but you really don’t believe it, especially when you have made a mistake, done something to upset them or feel like a failure. You don’t believe you are always enough just because you are you!

You vacillate when someone is not good for you and you won’t necessarily take the time to sort it out. You won’t figure out if you love, or even like, the other person. You make an unconscious choice to stay due to the underlying need to be liked or loved. You will not find out what’s true for you and what you really desire for your life and relationships.

You commonly feel like you need them more than they want you, and it makes you feel even more needy and insecure. You question if they want to be with you and will even test them to find out versus just asking them. There is a subtle and sometimes blatant neediness to have that person in your life so you can feel love, accepted or supported.

You have not found it within your Self, and don’t really trust your Self, to know you can count on you and love you. You worry about if others love, like or accept you. It’s a foreign concept to look at falling in love with your Self and have a willingness to completely love all parts of you … the good, the bad and the ugly.

You have not heard you are all of the ingredients in the cake and you’re the cake! You are whole unto your Self. You don’t know how to look to your relationship with your Self rather than with others to provide you all of your good feelings, love, happiness, fulfillment, contentment. You do not understand others are a bonus – they are just the icing or sprinkles on top of your cake! They don’t make up who you are, you make you.
You are inclined to center your life around others, not around you. You feel guilty and selfish if you put your Self first. You don’t understand it is not being selfish, it is about being self-centered through self-care so you can create the life you desire. You have not recognized that in doing so, you have more to give to others if you take care of your Self first. You are easily distracted by others or their drama and lose focus on you and your life.

At times you are bored with your life and not really interested or proactive in changing it. You have become complacent in a familiar part of your life or relationships, even if you no longer like it, or are comfortable or inspired by it. You base what you think, feel and believe about your Self on what is given to you from the outside … do they love you, do they like you, do they accept you, do they approve of you?

You will stay in relationships that don’t work or serve you because you feel they are better than nothing, or you’re not worthy or deserving of something/one better. You are confused about what works for you and what doesn’t, as well as, what you like and don’t like. You may subconsciously keep your Self confused because then you don’t have to take action or be responsible for what is happening. You tend to feel out of control in relationships and lose your Self within them. You surface later when you get out of the relationship and you wonder why you let this happen (again!) and beat your Self up about it.

You are not open to discovering what works for you and what your likes are, as you go along in a relationship to further define and refine it. You withhold your thoughts and feelings within your relationships. You are too worried if someone will leave you if you are you, or if you are honest with your thoughts and feelings. You tend to be afraid of rocking the boat so you sacrifice you, your needs or your wants at all costs, for the sake of having or saving a relationship and/or to keep the peace.

You typically feel trapped in relationships. You don’t realize you can be empowered to make different choices and have the relationships you truly desire. You will easily tolerate verbal and emotional abuse but physical and sexual abuse is where you usually will draw the line. 
If a relationship is bad or turns sour, you have difficulty completing it and moving on. You continually break up then make up, move out then back in. You will go back and forth in your mind and heart and continually question your Self in your decision. You generally jump from one bad relationship to another and do it quickly, so you don’t have to be alone or feel lonely.

You try to seek help when it gets too intense or painful in relationships. You might make a weak attempt to resolve your issues and pain but tend to quickly lose interest. On some level, you would like to analyze the past relationship to find out what needs to be addressed and healed so you do not repeat the pattern or attract a similar person and situation. But, you have difficulty accepting that to co-create loving and successful relationships is a process and takes time.

You do not understand that to refine and deepen within relationships only occurs when you are willing to fully participate, be open and vulnerable. Nothing will change in a new relationship if the old issues from the past ones have not been resolved.

You stop and start any assistance, exploration or healing because you fear having to give up what you know. It may feel too threatening to try something new or to change. You make up excuses – money, time, the person so you don’t have to go into what could help and serve you. You may be too invested in staying where you are at because at some level there is a big payoff or the fear runs so deep you won’t address it.

You try to appreciate that each relationship can have lessons, gifts and possibly healing to help you co-create even more brilliant relationships, but you don’t always go there. Any and all of the above applies to all types of relationships, not only with a significant other. ‘Any relationship is every relationship’ so this applies to family, friendships, co-workers, business partners, even your relationship to money, success, etc.

If you did not feel the love or approval from your parents or peers, you may feel like a victim or blame them for your past. You continually seek, without realizing you do so, the love and approval from others, especially those in parent roles or who are authority figures, i.e. teacher, boss, coach, mentor. On some level, you have taken on you are not lovable and you love your Self despite other’s opinions or behaviors.

Your worthiness and value is dependent and wired to whether others will love and accept you. You have not found it within your Self. You don’t really believe, of course, others will love you because you’re you in all your brilliance! You may say if they don’t, then it’s their loss or it wasn’t in your Highest Order or Potential but you don’t really feel it or believe it. You say it to make your Self feel better but it is really only lip service.

You want to believe there is a greater Plan for you and you are somewhat willing to be guided within it, but you don’t trust and believe it is so within your heart. Thus you become co-dependent with others or are attached to relationships and their outcomes. You resist or try to control others or the ultimate manifestation of what could be due to your need to be loved, accepted, approved of and validated.

You worry about whether you will ever find love – you want to believe the Universe is infinite and full of lots of possibilities but you feel like it only happens for others! You truly don’t believe you can take care of your Self and love your Self especially if someone is not in your life. 
You have trouble being alone and feel lonely a lot. You don’t enjoy your time with you or even consider that it is a positive thing. You haven’t considered being your own best friend, lover and guide. Nor do you necessarily feel connected to a Higher Power and the Universe and realize you are never alone! In addition, you most likely have scored mid to high-range in Self-Worth, Communication, Trust, Care Giver and Boundaries. Denial, Anger and Progressive – Later Stages of Co-Dependency are probably mid to high-range scores too, as all of these are interlinked.

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Dependency Score HIgh Range

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Dependency Score HIgh Range EXP

If You Have Scored 91-135 (High-Range):

You look for love in all the wrong places just like the song says. You look to the outside for your sense of I’m okay, I’m lovable, I feel good about my Self and what I do. You do not really love, accept, honor or respect your Self. You have a deep-rooted need for validation, acceptance or approval from others to feel good or, to believe you a valuable contribution to this planet, just by being you. Your happiness, contentment and peacefulness with and within your Self are dependent on others and what they do with and/or for you.

You need to latch onto anyone or anything so you can be happy. You feel threatened by the loss of something or someone that has provided happiness or love. It is essential for you to receive their acceptance or love to feel safe and valued. You are skeptical about things happening for a reason or people come into your life for a moment, a season or a lifetime.

You don’t comprehend it is a natural progression for some things or some relationships to change or come to an end. You think there is something wrong with you or them if it does not ‘work out’. You have to create drama or separation to gather reasons and validations of why a transition needs to occur.

You don’t understand the relationship can be transitioned to a different type of relationship, i.e. from significant other to only being a friend, or to being totally ended, in a loving, kind and compassionate manner through open and honest communication. You do not have the skills to communicate honestly without blame, shame or guilt and are too afraid to communicate what’s true for you.

You feel better by justifying your feelings or arguing for your position by pointing fingers or tearing down the other person. You say you are complete or done with ‘that’ person but you may have never had a conversation with the other person so that they know what is occurring or how you are feeling. You usually are angry and resentful.

Understand you are not complete, even if you claim you are. Completion can only occur when you let the other person know what is going on for you and why. What they do with it is up to them but you cannot be complete when the other person is wondering what has happened and most likely you are angry, upset, judging and/or tearing the other person down. There is a lack of love, understanding, acceptance and forgiveness for the other person. This is not completion when these pieces do not occur within you.

There is an opportunity for each to learn and grow when communication occurs. By not confronting the issue or person, there is a level of immaturity, an element of cowardice and a lack of integrity due to your unwillingness or lack of commitment to address it with the other person. It also becomes karmic because what goes around, comes around – this is Universal Law. You will continue to create the same type of relationships until you are ready to face the other person and express your Self in a truthful and kind manner.

You consistently attract people who are incapable of love or emotionally unavailable. You don’t attract people who are there for you, love you, support you, nor do they know how to do the same for themselves. You need them in order to feel loved or lovable. It is not about a desire to share your life with them, but a deep-seated need. You are wired to love = pain, hurt, disappointment, sadness, etc. versus love = connection, joy, vibrancy, expansion, etc.

You have a continuous need to prove that you are good enough to be loved by others. You don’t believe you are enough, especially when you have made a mistake, done something to upset them or feel like a failure. You don’t have the ability to comprehend you are always enough just because you are you!

You won’t admit or embrace when someone is not good for you, and you won’t take the time to sort it out. You won’t figure out if you love, or even like, the other person. You make an unconscious choice to stay due to this underlying need to be liked or loved. You will not find out what’s true for you and what you really desire for your life and relationships.

You feel like you need them more than they want you which creates you feeling even more needy and insecure. You question if they want to be with you and will even test them to find out versus just asking them. There is an incessant neediness to have that person in your life so you can feel loved, accepted or supported. You have not found it within your Self and don’t really trust your Self so you know you can count on you and love you. You obsessively worry about whether others love, like or accept you.

It’s a foreign concept to look at falling in love with your Self and have a willingness to completely love all parts of you … the good, the bad and the ugly. You have a lot of judgment about your Self – who you are and what you do. You base what you think, feel and believe about your Self on what is given to you from the outside … do they love you, do they like you, do they accept you, do they approve of you?

You have not heard you are all of the ingredients in the cake and you’re the cake! You are whole unto your Self. You don’t know how to look to your relationship with your Self rather than with others to provide you all of your good feelings, love, happiness, fulfillment, contentment. You do not understand others are a bonus – they are just the icing or sprinkles on top of your cake! They don’t make up who you are, you make you.

You center your life around others, not around you. You feel guilty and selfish if you put your Self first. You don’t understand it is not being selfish but it is about being self-centered through self-care so you can create the life you desire. You have not recognized that in doing so, you have more to give to others if you take care of your Self first.

You are constantly distracted by others or their drama and lose focus on you and your life. You are bored with your life and not really interested or proactive in changing it. You have become complacent in a familiar part of your life or relationships even if you are no longer like it, or are comfortable or inspired by it.

You will stay in relationships that don’t work or serve you because you feel they are better than nothing, or you’re not worthy or deserving of something/one better. You are confused about what works for you and what doesn’t as well as what you like and don’t like. You subconsciously keep your Self confused because then you don’t have to take action or be responsible for what is happening. You feel out of control in relationships and you lose your Self within them. You surface later when you get out of the relationship and you wonder why you let this happen (again!) and beat your Self up about it.

You are not open to discovering what works for you and what your likes are, as you go along in a relationship to further define and refine it. You withhold your thoughts and feelings within your relationships. You are always too worried if someone will leave you if you are you, or if you are honest with your thoughts and feelings. You are afraid of rocking the boat so you sacrifice you, your needs or your wants at all costs, for the sake of having or saving a relationship and/or to keep the peace.

You feel trapped in relationships. You don’t realize you can be empowered to make different choices and have the relationships you truly desire. You will tolerate verbal and emotional abuse and even physical and sexual abuse; typically the latter two have to be intense before you draw the line.

If a relationship is bad or turns sour, you have great difficulty in completing it and moving on. You continually break up then make up, move out then back in. You go back and forth in your mind and heart and continually question your Self in your decision. You jump from one bad relationship to another and do it quickly, so you don’t have to be alone or feel lonely.

You only seek help when it gets too intense or painful in relationships. You make a weak attempt to resolve your issues and pain but tend to quickly lose interest. You do not see the value in analyzing past relationships to find out what needs to be addressed and healed so you do not repeat the pattern or attract a similar person and situation.

You would rather ignore the truth and bury your head in the sand and build walls up around your heart. You have difficulty accepting that to co-create loving and successful relationships is a process and takes time. You do not understand that to refine and deepen within relationships only occurs when you are willing to fully participate, be open and vulnerable. Nothing will change in a new relationship if the old issues from the past ones have not been resolved.

You stop and start any assistance, exploration or healing because you fear having to give up what you know. It feels too threatening to try something new or to change. You make up excuses – money, time or the person, so you don’t have to go into what could help and serve you. You are too invested in staying where you are, because at some level there is a big payoff or the fear runs so deep you won’t address it.

You don’t know how to appreciate that each relationship can have lessons, gifts and possibly healing to help you co-create even more brilliant relationships. Any and all of the above applies to all types of relationships, not only with a significant other. ‘Any relationship is every relationship’ so this applies to family, friendships, co-workers, business partners, even your relationship to money, success, etc.

If you did not feel the love or approval from your parents or peers, you usually feel like a victim or blame them for your past. You continually seek, without realizing you do so, the love and approval from others, especially those in parent roles or who are authority figures i.e. teacher, boss, coach, mentor. You have taken on you are not lovable and you love your Self despite other’s opinions or behaviors.

Your worthiness and value is dependent and wired to whether others will love and accept you. You have not found it within your Self and you don’t really believe, of course others, will love you because you’re you in all your brilliance! You may say that if they don’t, then it’s their loss or it wasn’t in your Highest Order or Potential but you don’t really feel it or believe it. You say it to make your Self feel better and it really only lip service.

You want to believe there is a greater Plan for you but you need to control your relationships, your feelings and are not willing to be guided by your intuition or the Universe. You don’t trust and believe it could help you and you are attached to your fears and the past. Thus, you become co-dependent with others and attached to relationships and their outcomes. You resist or try to control others or the ultimate manifestation. This is due to your need to be loved, accepted, approved of and validated.

You always think about or worry about whether you will ever find love – you don’t believe the Universe is infinite and full of lots of possibilities. You feel like good things or ‘luck’ only happens for others! You don’t truly believe you can take care of your Self and love your Self especially if someone is not in your life.

You have trouble being alone and feel lonely a lot. You don’t enjoy your time with you or even consider that it is a positive thing. You haven’t considered being your own best friend, lover and guide. Nor do you necessarily feel connected to a Higher Power and the Universe and realize you are never alone!

In addition, you most likely have scored mid to high-range in Self-Worth, Communication, Trust, Care Giver and Boundaries. Denial, Anger and Progressive – Later Stages of Co-Dependency are probably mid to high-range scores too, as all of these are interlinked.

Step 1 of 15 – Personal Information